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Niamh

Poetry

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When love is not love…

I am watching you

and everything you do

keeping careful note

of the way you move,

the clothes you wear

the way you do your hair

which colours you favour

the foods you choose

pretending I love you

that I’m in awe of you

 

you lap up each compliment

growing more trusting

and vulnerable with

every passing day

unaware that I am building

an ammunition store

 

I’ll use your trust and secrets

to diminish you, crush you

for I fear you, your strength,

generosity and ability to love

and that which scares me

must be destroyed.

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Night train…

crashing through my brain,

never stops,

round the clock,

always on the move.

Casual passengers

fight for space,

worries and fears

compete for seats,

Each breath seems

to shout out

all aboard, all aboard,

come keep me awake.

The night and dark,

welcomes each new thought.

Images flit and flee,

never staying within grasp.

Encouraging a chase,

to understand, to see

what they mean.

Only the dawning sun,

and beeping alarm,

see them on their way,

these night-time passengers

in the dark will stay.

crashing through my brain,

never stops,

round the clock,

always on the move.

Casual passengers

fight for space,

worries and fears

compete for seats,

Each breath seems

to shout out

all aboard, all aboard,

come keep me awake.

The night and dark,

welcomes each new thought.

Images flit and flee,

never staying within grasp.

Encouraging a chase,

to understand, to see

what they mean.

Only the dawning sun,

and beeping alarm,

see them on their way,

these night-time passengers

in the dark will stay.

 

©Niamh Corcoran  25/11/2011

To let go

the darkness beckons,

threatens to consume me,

the gossamer thread that

holds me here stretched

to its limits.

the future a flickering

pinprick,

there is comfort in the dark

an ease, a knowing, an ending,

today I may slip into

into its waiting arms

sever the links

to a life too hard

 

 

©Niamh Corcoran

 

 

Stay with with me

Stay and hold me

so I can feel

your breath

cool on my cheek

your heartbeat

close to mine

the steadiness

of your feet

on the earth

if you let me go

or take your eyes

off me for a second

I am afraid

the wind of life

will seize me

in a frenzied whirl

and I may never

find my way home.

 

©Niamh Corcoran

 

 

Untitled…

When I look in your eyes

and our bodies meld

to become one

I know I shall never

really be alone

in those fleeting moments

my mind quieted

skin tingling

as if I’d stood in cold rain

breath ragged

hair awry

the sight of you

the feel and smell of you

will soon be a distant memory

but even without you

I know

I am whole, complete

always at one with the world

at my feet.

 

©Niamh Corcoran

Heart Whispers

Your words,

feather light

barely heard

cut deep

and changed my life

 

 

©Niamh Corcoran

 

 

Fairy tales…

fairy tales aren’t lies

but sugar-coated truths

we cannot bear to hear

 

to allow reality to sink in

is to float on a paper raft

in a raging sea

 

too many loose ends

not enough ribbon to tie them

only bedraggled raffia

 

in multi-coloured knots

that catch on rocks –

keep them floating

 

these dreams we seize

to bolster our days

turn to drizzle at dusk

 

 

© Niamh Corcoran 4/12/2013

The Voice

Two today, both with the same title, the first written on the 27 April 2012, the second written earlier this year. I had forgotten about the first one and only found it as I couldn’t remember where I’d saved the recent one and a search on my computer threw both of them up. I thought I’d share both as it is a good indication of how far I have journeyed in the last few years and I figure it might give those of who read my site and may be suffering from depression or anxiety hope that time does heal. Everything changes with time, hang in there. ❤

The Voice

Today, I cannot silence the voice,

nor the constant drumbeat

accompanying it,

that reverberates through

my every bone

 

The voice that tells me

I am no good,

The constant beat,

You are useless, useless, useless

an endless track.

 

The voice will not be quelled,

Silence is its power;

I cannot outrun it

for the beat

matches each and every step.

 

The voice will not be drowned

out by music,

I turn the volume up

’til my ears bleed

it cannot override the beat.

 

The voice accompanies me

night and day,

even as I sleep

the drumbeat

relentless in it desire

to destroy.

© Niamh 27/04/12

 

The Voice 

 

A whisper of moments past

a reminder of a time, a place

I thought I was stuck

a loop, a beat,  once unending

but now silenced

even in the night

 

I hear the birds sing,

the rain, and rustle of leaves,

the hum of the earth

beneath my feet,

the pulse of joy

in my heart

 

and I know I am free.

 

The voice that berated

criticised and

almost destroyed

was not mine

but memories of

words spoken

 

to me, of me

that sunk in

and became my truth

held me prisoner

its power washed away

by gentle words of love

 

that set me free.

 

© Niamh 19/01/19

In the dark

I hear steps behind me,

soft soled creeping slowly closer,

then dropping away

just like you did in our life

 

playing on my fears and emotions

a Chinese water torture

of anger and dread

denial and disbelief

 

even then I knew the truth

but hardly dared believe,

now I am moving on

breaking slowly free

but still your footsteps echo

 

long into the night

cutting into my sleep

a cry before dawn

 

©  Niamh Corcoran 31/1/2016

 

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